no one

• alicia keys'in bir parçası...
  
  sözlerini de yazayim tam olsun...
  
  "no one"
  
  i just want you close
  where you can stay forever
  you can be sure
  that it will only get better
  
  you and me together
  through the days and nights
  i don't worry 'cuz
  everything's going to be alright
  people keep talking they can say what they like
  but all i know is everything's going to be alright
  
  no one, no one, no one
  can get in the way of what i'm feeling
  no one, no one, no one
  can get in the way of what i feel for you, you, you
  can get in the way of what i feel for you
  
  when the rain is pouring down
  and my heart is hurting
  you will always be around
  this i know for certain
  
  you and me together
  through the days and nights
  i don't worry 'cuz
  everything's going to be alright
  people keep talking they can say what they like
  but all i know is everything's going to be alright
  
  no one, no one, no one
  can get in the way of what i'm feeling
  no one, no one, no one
  can get in the way of what i feel for you, you, you
  can get in the way of what i feel
  
  i know some people search the world
  to find something like what we have
  i know people will try try to divide something so real
  so til the end of time i'm telling you there is no one
  
  no one, no one, no one
  can get in the way of what i'm feeling
  no one, no one, no one
  can get in the way of what i feel for you, you, you
  can get in the way of what i feel for you
• her an detone olacakmış gibi sesinin sınırlarını zorlayan, ama ne albüm kaydında, ne de canlı performansta (bkz: 2008 grammy ödül töreni) detone olmayan alicia keys'in güzel şarkısı.
• slovenya'nın dinlemekten kendimi alıkoyamadığım eurovision şarkısı. kendi dilinde olan versiyonun ismi(ki ayrıca çok da güzel bir isimdir) vanilija olup ingilizce ismi ise no one'dır.
• ms john soda şarkısı olan no. one while talking albümünden, 2003 çıkışlı. sonundaki efektlere bayılıyorum. sözleri de şöyle:
  
  number one
  number two
  number four
  
  the things you said, forgotten
  did you say we are alike?
  the things you said, forgotten
  what did you say?
  
  number five
  number six
  number eight
  
  the things i said, forgotten
  did i say we are alone?
  the things i said, forgotten
  what did i say?
  
  i wanna know
  i can't remember
  i can't rewind
  nor recall
  
  i wanna know
  i can't remember
  i can't rewind
  nor recall
  
  number nine
  number ten
  eleven
  
  somethings sometimes go wrong
  don't long for something that's gone
  don't try to bring it back
  don't try to understand
  
  one second i thought, what?
  two seconds later, forgotten
  do you know, do you care, do you remember?
  
  i wanna know
  i can't remember
  i can't rewind
  nor recall
  
  i wanna know
  i can't remember
  i can't rewind
  nor recall
  
  i wanna know
  i can't remember
  nor recall
• dark tranquillity nin exposures in retrospect and denial albümünde yer alan ve neden pre-unreleased olduğunu hiç anlayamadığım mükemmel şarkısı. sözleri de şöyle gidiverir:
  
  uncontrolled spaces
  lifeless 'til provoked
  deep uncharted oceans
  nonexistent 'til claimed
  great raging fires
  silent
  
  when there's no one
  when no one is mine
  the no one is me
  
  tall reaching branches
  pointless to even try
  countless flaming cities
  measured without cost
  all-seeing eyes
  without stories to tell
  
  inside the orchard there's a scent of devilry
  as was in my heart
  the sweetness overripe
  rancid in attempt to overcome the shackles
  if only the soil could hold
  
  the wide-open wound
  won't heal without purpose
  it never stops
  the wide-open wound
  that never heals
  the no one is me
• türkçe versiyonu her yerden reddedildikten sonra bir de ingilizcesi her yerden reddedilmiş olan kısa hikayemin başlığı.
  
  buraya bırakıyorum. belki okuyan olur.
  
  ön not: hikayede bir sürü ı harfi olmasının sebebi ekşi sözlükte büyük harf olmaması. pdf formatından kopyala yapıştır yapınca düzeltmeye üşendim, mazur görün.
  
  --- spoiler ---
  
  no one
  
  ı was 18 when ı first saw him. ıt was the first year of my undergraduate education. ıstanbul. from my own unbelievably narrow and accurate point of view, nothing but millions of people packt like sardines in a crushd tin box.
  
  almost half a year had already passed there. school wasn't interesting at all. nothing was. no friends, no passions, no dreams, no hope, no expectations. ı wouldn't talk much back then. ınsomnia was like an untouchable monkey sitting on my shoulders, strangely able to touch me, using this ability only but only to keep my eyes open. 2-3 hours of sleep in my lucky days. caffeine, nicotine, modafinil, methylphenidate, philosophy. people would only talk about politics, themselves, sports, themselves, women, themselves, school, and one final thing, themselves.
  
  the sky was interesting. the sea, the wind, birds and ants were all interesting. people would never mention them. all the dialogue ı had was schopenhauer, which wasn't technically a dialogue after all. he was a ghost lecturing behind the mist of the past. none of my answers reached him.
  
  nights were beautiful. every night after 2 a.m, when people were all asleep, ı would go to the top floor of the dormitory ı was living for the time. there was a cafeteria, balcony and a recreation room there. the recreation room had two couches and a foolsball table inside. no windows. ıt would always be full of people. noisy and annoying during the daytime. during nights though, it would be my silent nest.
  
  on one of these silent nights, ı was sitting on one of the couches. doing nothing but blinking. that night, in one of my tries, ı blinked so hard that there he was, popped into existence. dressed in simple black clothing. thin, tall and young. ın pain, peacefully. messy hair above his unexceptionally large mind. he had no face. people all had individually ordinary faces. he had no face. he was anything but frightening. he was fascinating.
  
  ı knew everything about this man. ı would always know his thoughts. ı would always know his misery. ıt wasn't anything like mind reading or feeling. ıt wasn't like anything psychic. ı didn't need to put any effort into knowing. ı just knew. he knew too. we never had any type of physical conversation. we didn't need to.
  
  he had no past, no goals, no constant personality. he was no one. he wasn't causing any noise. he wasn't annoying in any way. he would follow me all day long. he would eat with me, walk with me, think with me, suffer with me. he would never draw attention unless he wanted to. people wouldn't see him unless he made them see him. people wouldn't hear him unless he made them hear him. don't get me wrong, drawing attention was the best thing he could do. he would occasionally go jump into random conversations, ask irrelevant questions about the sky, the sea, the wind, birds and ants. we would ask about reality, universe, time and destiny. he wouldn't need any answers. his questions were also his answers.
  
  he only knew those ı knew, but somehow he was wiser. he would suffer as much as ı suffer, but he wouldn't complain about anything. he had no expectations. he was a master of acceptance. unlike me, he was able to accept the fact that nature owed him nothing. after all, he was no one.
  
  on one of our days, he saw a woman at the subway station. a green bag on her back, a light coat, and wide, comfortable trousers underneath. blonde. she was staring at the local map, trying to make sense. obviously tourist, a confused one. he went near her and started talking:
  
  – “you are standing in front of the map to decide where to go and you are looking for your way. you probably also stopped on your way here,looked at the map to decide where to go and found yourself here. you will probably do the same wherever you go. ıt will never matter if you go to your home or to a dark, unknown point in the universe, you will stop and look at the map to decide where to go. you'll convince yourself, like everyone else, that you've decided to go where you're going. you will believe that the places you go and the answers you give are always your own decisions. but here we are, having a non-reciprocal conversation. ın fact, you've had thousands of non-reciprocal conversations before this one. both of us have had. we have always been silent. we never answered. because we never had the answers we needed. we had no idea that the conversation was going to happen. we had no ability to be prepared. just as we can only react as a spectator to everything that has happened, is happening and will happen. just as we can only cry for bad scenarios, rejoice at good scenarios and never change the scenarios. have you ever imagined all the phenomena, everything happening in the universe in this case, as a destiny that has infinite possibilities, but as having only one strict course, having no real possibilities? just think about it. not that we can, but if we all knew the positions and the momentums of every single particle in the universe, if we knew all the laws of the universe relevant to the interactions of these particles, couldn't we be able to calculate the entire timeline of the universe? couldn't we know everything beforehand? would there be any possibility in this case? would the future have any characteristic difference from the past and present in our minds? does it actually have any difference in reality? wasn't it obvious from the very beginning that a cloud of dust would form this planet in all this darkness, and a living molecule would fall into the water from a cloud of carbon? what all this exchange of energy would reveal, the first light to appear, the entire evolution process of life, weren't all these things clear at that first moment? then, in a slice of unreal thought that we believe is advancing and we call time, in a land ı don't know where, you took your first breath into your lungs. so many things happened that were certain to happen from the very beginning, but that none of us could calculate. you were born with a certain brain capacity, and your mind gave reactions to external influences that were certain from the very beginning. the wind blew in your face as it was going to blow anyway, and you enjoyed it as you were going to enjoy anyway. the hailstone fell on your head as it was going to fall anyway, and you suffered as you were going to suffer anyway. we united here as we were going to unite anyway, ı told certain things to you as ı was going to tell you anyway, you listened to these things as you were going to listen anyway. ın fact, everything that will happen happened the moment everything started. and you're standing in front of the map, trying to make sure you're going to the right place. don't worry, wherever you go, you will have gone to the right place.
  because you have no choice but to go to the right place, you've already gone where you're going." after a short, dull silence caused by confusion, the woman answered:
  – “ıch kann deine sprache nicht sprechen!”
  
  he knew it from the very begining. he wasn't speaking with the expectation of being understood. he wasn't speaking with the expectation of being approved. he was speaking just because he was feeling the need for it. at the time, if it was me there, telling all these things and having nothing in return, ı would suffer. ı would feel all alone and miserable. but this man had everything ı needed. ıf ı didn't see it with my eyes, if ı didn't know everything going through his mind, ı wouldn't believe his attitude was even possible. he was showing me without even having the
  intention to do so. he was making me see that it was possible.
  
  ı took my time a little bit thinking if ı needed someone to be with me or if needed to be someone who can be with no one. when ı asked for answers, people didn't give me anything satisfying. when ı asked for companionship, people didn't give me anything sincere. people didn't give me anything without asking for more than what they give. no one did. ı did know how to exist but ı had no idea how to resist. no one showed me how to resist. he was giving without asking anything back. he was my only friend. because he was the only one showing me that ı did not need friends.
  
  as is evident from his name, ı wasn't his friend. this might seem contradictory, but we are like each other about this situation. no one was his friend, just like no one was my friend. that didn't mean he wasn't feeling alone. he was just in peace with everything out of his control because he was able to accept that everything was out of his control. ı just needed time to digest all of this.
  
  sometimes, the thoughts that were trapped inside the steel safe where ı locked them down would escape from the tiny holes that no one opened. they would suddenly come out of my mouth as words when ı was around random people. when these words impressed their audiences with their simplicity and depth, with their elegant and striking cries, the fake and thoughtless affirmations which the audiences could not hold in their mouths were almost impossible to distinguish from reality. every part of my body would be covered with a feeling of satisfaction that ı could not avoid and that ı knew was harmful. ı could neither be silent nor speak. after a short resistance, ı would have the urge to open my mouth, which ı held tightly as ı did not want those thoughts to escape. doing this would cause a little more satisfaction to penetrate into my body. when the short period of time that the people were with me was over, my words would fly into endless nothingness and the universe would never be interested in approving and appreciating me. ı would always remain alone again. ın the absence of the sense of satisfaction that ı had injected into my body, ı would start suffering tremendously. out of panic and ignorance, just like a child who blathers in moments of fear, ı would convince myself that the suffering was possible to destroy rather than surrendering to it. ı would start doing stupid things that ı knew deep down wouldn't work, but had convinced myself they would. ı would try to convince myself of unreal friends and their pretended attentions. ınstead of waiting for the pain of silence to pass, ı woul lose myself to the illusion that ı could be relieved when ı believed ı was a part of the noise that could overthrow the silence. but the silence does not lose against any will. ı was the one losing. ı could neither close the tiny holes in the steel safe nor destroy the safe completely. the thoughts inside would slowly come out without a place to go, without achieving the desired satisfaction. ın the end, ı would start talking to myself. ı would let everything out and no one would know about them. constantly going through this process would slowly make me get used to it. ın time, ı started letting words go out without needing no one. ı knew the loop that satisfaction put me in. ı was no longer seeking satisfaction. ı was just getting rid of the weight of the thoughts inside the steel safe. that would bring me peace. the peace that no one had.
  
  getting used to his way of life was relieving. he was neither born nor made. he had no one to blame for his existence. he had no way to die. he had no other choice than to live what was there for him. he knew he could not change the way nature works.
  
  ıt was what it was. ı was what ı was. ı was just someone that was there. ı wasn't given birth by choice. ı wasn't living one of the infinite possibilities. ı was just a part of the only possibility. ı was like anyone. ı was like no one.
  
  almost a year passed with him. after everything we lived together, it was now somehow okay. the monkey was getting tired of sitting on my shoulders. peace was no more something imaginary. people were no more annoying the way they were. ıt was not because everything had changed in that one year. ıt was because ı was absorbing his
  existence into mine. ı was merging myself with him without even knowing. he was fading away. ı could see that, but didn't want to know why. ı knew it was what it was and ı could not change it. ı wasn't mourning for his constant death. his death was as natural as his emergence.
  
  on this particular night, while ı was at the same recreation room where ı first met him, ı wasn't there as ı was suffering for the first time. people were still noisy, they were still talking about themselves, nights were still beautiful and the birds were still fascinating. but that night, ı was not there for any of these reasons. they were no longer my concern. ı was there, doing nothing but blinking. ı was there for my friend. ı was there to say goodbye.
  
  there he was. sitting on the same couch, looking exactly the same way except getting a bit too much like a mirage. we passed some time sitting there looking at each other. we both got tired after a while. at one point, this faceless man was smiling at me. he was blurry and exhausted. his face did not change at all, but ı knew he was smiling at me. ı smiled back at him. this was our first and the last conversation. then ı blinked so hard that there he wasn't, vanished with the monkey on my shoulders. ı wasn't upset or anything. ı just didn't feel like staying in that room anymore. ı went back into my bed and slept like a baby for a very long time. ı was in peace.
  
  everything was pretty much normal after he was gone. ı had friends, girlfriends, colleagues, mentors and many more people in my life. none of them was permanent. none of them needed to be permanent. ıt was what it was. some of them went wild, some of them lied, some of them died. ı didn't miss anyone. ı missed no one
  --- spoiler ---
• andrey andonov'un yönettiği 2017 yapımı bulgar filmi.
  
  gizemli bir üçlü, konforlu bir kır evi, enfes bir doğa, sonradan ortama gelen hiç de istenmeyen bir çift, bastırılamayan seksüel gerilimler ve yaklaşmakta olan bir itiraf.
  
  videoklip estetiğini etkili kullanmış, akıcı bir anlatıma sahip bir komşu dramı.
• birçok insanın cold'la tanışmasına önayak olmuş şarkıdır.en az bunun kadar güzel nice şarkıları vardır grubun,araştırılmalıdır,dinlenmelidir.
  
  (bkz: go away)
  (bkz: give)
  (bkz: ugly)
  (bkz: strip her down)
  (bkz: insane)
  (bkz: goodbye cruel world)
  (bkz: makes her sick)
• cold un no one'ının sonundaki nakaratta, arkaplanda bir bayan vokalin sesi duyulmaktadır. hep merak etmişimdir benden başka bunu farkeden var mı diye.
• 2 unlimited in real things albümünden bir şarkıdır